I don't talk about this stuff very often on here, but I've had some rather traumatic battles with depression & bipolar disorder in past times. And yep, it's nothing but empty & horrible.
As a younger man, I always struggled to understand the whole concept of suicide, and why on earth people decide to make this choice. That was until I went through these ideations myself for awhile back in 2009. Where for a few months there the only thing I could actually think about was how I was going to end my life. I planned it many times, dates, locations & action, the whole bit. But just never had enough strength & conviction in this option to follow through with it. I've often reflected back on what it was that caused all of this, and the overall conclusion is that I just believed I was a total & utter failure. At the age of 29, I was still a broke, unhappy & unsatisfied musician who had squandered way too many great career opportunities because of careless & erratic behaviour.
And after 10 years of busting my ass trying to forge a career in the music business, I'd had enough. I was done. So I quit. I quit the one & only thing that had given my life any sense of meaning & purpose & wondered around aimlessly for a year wondering what on earth I would do now. I worked more dead-end jobs, lived in hope that my passion for music(and the music business) would come back to life eventually, and even signed up to join the defence force (was a good thing I failed miserably in the physical & mental aptitude tests...). I was completely lost.
During this time, my Mum urged me to go & see a counsellor to discuss my issues. At first I was obviously reluctant, but she practically forced me to do it. Prior to this, I never would've thought I'd ever have to go & see a counsellor. I always used to think I was too strong, too proud & too capable of taking care of myself without this type of help. That was until now, as I was a completely broken & shattered man. A shadow of my former self. And someone that was in great need of external professional assistance.
At first, the sessions were hard & extremely confronting. Even for a confident person like me, who had already spent 10 years as a performer on stages throughout the world. I'd experienced a few tough gigs in my time, but nothing was as hard as this.
As difficult as these sessions were, I made sure I kept going each week, and over the space of a few years and lots of work, things gradually started to change for the better. And I'm extremely glad to say I still see this same counsellor today.
Fast forward to 2015. I have a beautiful & amazing wife, gorgeous daughter & another child on the way. My career is in the best shape it's ever been in & has been growing constantly over the last 3 years. And most importantly, I've been able to find a place of happiness & contentment that I never knew as a younger man. Life is GOOD. And can only get better.
But this ain't just another "look at me and what I did" rant. This is proof that EVERYONE out there can recover from hurt, pain & despair. It doesn't matter what happens to you, it's all about how you choose to deal with it. And on days like this, I think it's absolutely crucial for all of you to believe this & understand it.
There is ALWAYS a way to a bright & peaceful state of mind. ALWAYS a path to happiness & enlightenment if you want it badly enough and are willing to take the steps to bring it about.
Live long & prosper y'all.
Much love xx
Mike Elrington Website: http://mikeelrington.com
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